Okay, guys. I am on a mission. For a long time now, I have been looking for all the lesbians. A certain percentage of people are gay, and it simply must spread fairly between men and women (man, I love writing none uni-stuff, where I can just throw statements like this out there without having to back it up with some obscure reference). However, you mainly see gay men. Even if you say gay, you automatically assume you are talking about a guy. So where are all the girls? Lately, I have become obsessed. You can probably tell by the length of this post. I am obsessed.
Many people know, I am a massive fag-hag (don't know what that is? You should. Google it). In the three and a half years I have now spent in London (man, time flies), I have probably been to more gay (men) bars than straight bars. And I love the gays. The gay guys. They are fun, fabulous and FRIGGING EVERYWHERE. I know the entire spectrum as well: from the little shy-boy that feels like a sex object whenever he goes to a gay bar, to completely coked out drag queens, to just the most average Joe you can imagine.
The objective of this post is not to minimise all the bravery and courage gay men have shown fighting prejudices and stereotypes society has against gay men. It is the exact opposite. It is to celebrate it. And I think we are ready for the gay girls now. Where are you? We want to see you. Not just macho ones or the lipstick ones or any other stereotype ones, but ALL the ones. We want ALL the lesbians. Some might argue that gay men are just easier to spot or whatever. I don't care. I can count on my fingers how many lesbians I know.
Do you get that? Do you get what I just said? I can COUNT all the lesbians I know. If someone doesn't know me that well, this is crazy. I know A LOT OF people. And a lot of gay people. Back home, people used to not like going out with me, because I would know every other person we ran into. I have also lived in London for a long time now, working in very social settings and had an extremely active social life. And common, I hang out at gay bars. I don't mean to come across all like oh-look-how-awesome-and-popular-I-am (even though, let's face it, it's just the way it is. loljk, don't take it the wrong way. It was a joke, to build up to a point. A joke with a purpose if you will), but I know a lot of people. And yet somehow, I can COUNT the lesbians I know. Thatshitcray.
What bothers me even more, if that's possible, is every time a lesbian surfaces, it is like this big topic of discussion. Not that I mind the discussion, but ok. Let me demonstrate. I am from Iceland. When ever I meet a new person (which happens all the time) I have to have the same basic conversation about Iceland. Yes, it's cold, yes, Bjork is from there, yes haha, all the small-talk jokes I have heard five thousand times. I am so bored of the topic, I have become the queen of dodging the question of where I am from or changing the subject at the speed of light. Not because I am not proud of my origin or I don't like talking about where I am from, but I am so over having the same discussion over and over again. The thing is, people mean well. It comes from a good place, consisting of curiosity of unfamiliar territory. I get it.
And this is about where I am from. Can you imagine having to have this type of discussion about your SEX LIFE, when ever it comes up that you are gay. I cannot think of a single topic that is more personal. Yet, it comes up over and over again, with people who you have just met. Which brings me back to the point, whenever a lesbian pops up, the discussion revolves around their SEX LIFE. Oh my god. That is so personal. The question: 'How do you guys have sex?' is one of the most common ones. OH MY GOD. If you have ever said that to someone, please take a moment to think about what the question actually is.
To a certain extend, I understand that people are curious. It's new and a little foreign to them. It comes from a good place (hopefully). But MAN, stop for a second and think about what that question is. Also, the (way to few) lesbians that I know, anticipate the questions and the discussion. And if they don’t come, they are actually kind of like, oh, so, you don’t want Lesbian 101?
In my time (because you know, I am like 400 years old), I have had my shares of rumours, gossip, slander and all the rest of it. Whenever I was going out with someone, it was like everyone got the memo, it was like I was on frigging Gossip girl. People (random people) would come up to me and ask me super personal questions about something that did or did not happen ages ago. However, I have NEVER EVER EVER, not by anyone, from my closest friends to the meanest, ballsiest gossip been asked HOW I had sex. Never. Never, ever happened. Never. As in never.
And thank god. How is that anyones business? I fail to understand this. Straight people can definitely have some crazy, twisted sex shit going on and gay people can be perfectly 'boring' sexually. Or vice versa. Or you know, a combination of the two. Or you know, there was a boiled egg involved. You know what. I don't care. Because, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Have you ever asked a couple, HOW they have sex? I still can not believe people ask that question, ALL-THE-TIME. Honestly. What the fuck.
Anyway, lesbians. I want them to come out. They don't have to be covered in glitter singing musical numbers. They don't have to be macho. They don't have to worry about me thinking they have a crush on me because I am female. They don't have to worry about me asking them how they have sex. And it won't be all about you being a lesbian. I won't make your sexuality the main characteristic of you as a person. It won't be about your sex life. I want you to feel like you don't have to hide who you are or what you are feeling.
You can probably tell, I am obsessed. I have been watching interviews with Ellen and Portia about when they came out. Lord, did they have some abuse to take. I know they are the go-to-cliché for lesbians but honestly, it's not like we are suffocated with role models here. I have also been watching some girls on YouTube share their stories, and it breaks my heart seeing their OWN prejudices they had to fight. My all time favorite is Hannah Hart, but that is purely based on the fact she is a comedy genius. However, it is so inspiring seeing how much she clearly struggled with being gay, and how she is overcoming it. When I see all of this, I am like wooow. This is some serious shit.
What bothers me the most though, is because of lack of role models, the ones that are out there become known for their sexuality. How is that the most interesting thing about anyone? I hear this in conversations all the time as well: "Yesterday, I was out with my friend XX, who you know, is gay...". Is that relevant to the story? Is that why you are friends? Is that literally the biggest characteristic about XX? In the scenario, where you have your eyes set on a certain someone, I am with you. It matters. A lot. However, for a public figure, or someone you may or may not know super well, why do you care so much?
The beauty is, the strength of the gay community. Even if you don't live in a metropolitan, the online community is amazing. What is my favorite things about fighting for gay rights, is it is genuinely a fight for love. The battle is not about power, race domination or politics. It is in every sense of the word, fighting to be allowed to be in love. Still, it is so twisted to me that this battle isn't over yet. How can we be like, oh, you people love each other? No, we can't have that. You must be some kinky, sex person and I don't want to get infected. WTF?
Final point. I think coming out is such a beautiful thing. It is so honest, people have to stare themselves into the soul and accept who they are. Have you ever been so honest with yourself? Honestly? Have you ever had to fight for being that person? Have you ever been worried about getting rejected by everyone you have ever known? No matter how liberal your background is, you still don't know what reaction you'll get. That makes it a pretty big deal to most people. So those that have come out, tend to have some serious balls. Which makes them admirable and worth not prejudicing the shit out of.