Why living in a big city is hard

For anyone that reads this and needs some background: next month will be my four year anniversary of living in London.  

I like comparing living in London to being in a very stormy relationship. When it's good, it is the most amazing thing ever. You have the best of art and culture at your fingertips. You meet highly motivated and driven individuals who inspire and amaze you. There is never a dull moment, unless you want it to be. And I just found out, I live in the same neighbourhood as Harry Styles. That's right. 

But the downs, are not like a bad day. It's like in-your-face aggressive, like being pushed under water and then just held there, for just a second longer than you thought you could take. The people you rely on, suddenly you can't rely on anymore. Maybe it's because they move away, or you just kind of drift apart. Your expenses are really high, so you have to be very careful with all your money, all the time. And when I say, all the time, I mean all the time.

Things you never had to consider, are now a part of your daily routine. I never used to worry about my things getting stolen, whether I should spend my last three pounds on noodles or getting to work tomorrow; and not having your loved ones there, just right there. All the time.   

Then there is the added pressure, of always having to justify why am I here? I consider myself extremely fortune, as my immediate family counts ten people. That's my immediate family. I have a good relationship with every single one of them. Which makes me even more fortunate. I also have different groups of friends, that are all wonderful in different ways. I have friends that have known me, and somehow still love me through all of my awesome life phases: the nerd me, the emo me, the paris-hilton lookalike me, the lost me and finally the me that left and hasn't come back.

None of these relationships are something you can just find around the corner when you live in a big city. It's very easy to meet people, but it's hard to maintain relationships and even harder to get to the stage where you really care about someone. And then when you finally do, they move to the other side of the world. Or even worse, you just kind of fall out. Because you don't 'naturally' hang out in the same circles, you may never see them again. Or you might, but it's awkward. Because you have no reason to be friends, but you used to be really close. It's tricky. 

Then there is also a certain degree of 'disposability'. Everything in London is accessible, all the time (except the tube at night). You get used to not having to really care, so this starts to affect your relationships as well. This is not (only) in terms of actual relationships, but also just your relationships with the people you work with or meet along the way. And because living in London is hard to begin with, it tends to attract people with a certain kind of mindset. It's normally people that are driven, motivated and are striving for something. This also can describe a 'selfish' person. 

So people become disposable to each other as well. Mainly because all of the above becomes hard after a few times, so you are less inclined. Because you know when you do get invested in a job, or a friend; the cycle is faster. It's quicker, you're deeper in and it's over sooner than you expected. 

This can result in a certain fear of becoming close to begin with: how you approach newer relationships. Again, this doesn't (necessarily) mean typical relationships, but also your relationship with the workplace, locations and also other people. You become increasingly aware, that what ever your job is, there are hundreds of others that can do the same job as you. Just as well. For less. But it also works the other way around. While it sure is tricky getting a job in London, that's not for a lack of available work places. There are plenty of places that are hiring. 

So the balance between: am I being selfish and having unrealistic expectations - or being taken advantage of; is hard to find. It is a thin line. Very thin. 

For me personally, I have time and time again realised I'm being a little bit too naive which can be truly heartbreaking. It makes you feel stupid, and a little bit used. But you are so close to the other side, which I think in some cases is worse. You are the one not treating other people, or places, or situations with the respect that it deserves. It's a little bit like, do you want to be the a**hole, or the one d**ked around by a**holes. 

But then again, it's so rewarding. It's all very confusing. I love the fact that I came here with nothing. I had no contacts and no network. And the longer you've been here, the more of an accomplishment it feels like. Specially after witnessing a lot of people leave. Some because they always intended to but others out of mere exhaustion. People you think highly of, so you know it's hard. Most of the decisions you make, are for some idealistic vision of delayed gratification. Although I highly recommend, doing the fun version of that. 

I have loved every single phase of my life in London, because it's the only way to handle it. Because it's hard, and there are no hand outs. If you don't love being here, why would you? You can do something that you don't love in a lot less expensive place. It's weird how you can see people's respect for you is growing, but in the back of my mind, I wonder at what cost. Have I started treating people differently? Probably. 

Living in London is a testament to endurance. And the weird thing is, you don't really know what you're training for. It's then when you realise, my life could be a lot easier. I could live very comfortably a stone throw's away from where I grew up. So why am I here? 

I watched a Larry Smith's TED show (linked) about why you'll never have a great career. It's because you don't take the chance. You don't bet on yourself. According to him, it's because the line between a genius and being 'weird' is so thin. Basically all geniuses are weird, but you can be weird without being a genius. Being passionate and committed to something, doesn't make you a genius, but it definitely causes some looks (read: people think you are weird). 

This is the response I get a lot. People ask me, when I'm moving back home. I could have a very comfortable life, right now. Like, now. As in now. Why did I work a very hard job when I was twenty for 200 pounds a week, which is not really enough to live in London? Why did I do a degree, that no one understands what entails? Why have I worked so many unpaid positions, it's not even worth it for me to put it on my CV anymore? 

None of these decisions granted me with the greatest instant gratification available to me at each time, and sometimes I questioned if I would ever benefit. I had a pretty good time, don't get me wrong. But the money was never good, I have lived in some shocking housing, I haven't gone shopping for clothes for so long I'm literally at a stage where nothing I own is wearable any more. It's old, ill fitting and just so out of style.

At any one point, I could have made the decision to not do as many internships. Get a part-time job that pays better. Live further away from the city. Or, just not live in London at all. 

But when my children (which I don't have, and relax, are not on the way) tell me one day they want to be magicians, I want to be able to say: go for it kid. 

An Open Letter to YouTube

Dear YouTube, 

I am realising how seriously addicted I am to you. When I'm home, you are just always with me. You have overtaken both facebook and twitter for me. That says a lot. 

Right now you are playing music for me on my iPad. Then every now and then, I turn you off on my iPad so I can watch a video (that's not music) on my laptop. Then I turn you off again on my laptop, only to turn you on again on my iPad to keep listening to music.

So what am I watching? 

In the mornings when I get ready and have breakfast, I like light-hearted comedy type of material. Go tos are the Ellen Show (because yes, I like it), DailyGrace (because she is my spirit animal), Tyler Oakley (because sometimes you just need your dose of flamboyance) or even the Vlogbrothers (because sometimes I like to start my day by thinking about things). 

While I'm working, just what ever music I like tends to be on (obviously). Right now I'm loving some bizarre mixture of the old music I normally listen to and old poppy chart music that is old enough not to be current but not old enough to be like 'flashback'. I am so not cool. I'm sorry to disappoint. I'll be more on trend in the colder months, because then I'll care (probably not). 

In the evenings I like to turn off my brain by watching TV shows that can be found within your layers of content. Say Yes to the Dress and What Not To Wear are great to make you feel BEAUTIFUL. Otherwise I like finding interesting shows, BBC programs and documentaries for example. If it gets late I'll find myself watching Jerry Seinfeld, Louis C.K. or Ricky Gervais stand ups. Because it's funny.  

I haven't even touched on all the make up girls that have taught me how to curl my hair with a straightener, do my make up and take care of myself. They are assumed. Duh. 

YouTube, thanks for keeping me educated and entertained. Couldn't ask for more. 




End note: Links to worthwhile videos are in the names, because embedding them all makes the site really slow and this post really long. This Jerry Seinfeld video is so good though I had to include it. I think I've watched it 2-3 times a day for the last week or so. If you like my taste in videos, here is a link to a playlist of the mentioned ones. 

Wawowawowee

You guys, although I don't want to minimise the impact of the last couple of posts, there is more to me than just talking about these very heavy things. I didn't want to initially post them right after one another, because it just makes it all very intense, but I had the last one ready on my computer and because of the Slut Walk I found it appropriate to post it. Clearly this is hitting a nerve with you people, because I didn't promote the last post at all and it still got about 1200 page views. To me, that is just crazy. Thanks for the very, very positive and encouraging feedback. 

MOVING ON. This post is about London, if you don't know the city and don't have any intention of ever going there, I estimate your interest in this post to be exactly zero. 

So, currently I have this crazy resource I'm not used to having: time. For the first time in my life, I have time on my hands. This is very new to me, and I'm not sure I like it. Maybe it's because I don't like partying as much as I used to, but I think it might have more to do with the fact that I am not working at the moment. I cannot justify to myself to just 'waste' my time, so I try to keep proactive.

An activity I have always enjoyed, is 'getting lost' in the city. What that means is walking from A to B, without checking my phone for directions. To me it's very easy to know the different 'islands', if you like, in the city (the area around a certain tube station or POI) but the in-between areas are often kind of forgotten. Sometimes for a good reason, mainly if they are very residential but sometimes you can stumble upon some treasures. So for this summer, I've done from Maida Vale to Hampstead, Stoke Newington to the Barbican and lastly from Pimlico to Museum of London. If that doesn't hold any meaning to you, it's probably about 5k each (3 miles or an hours walk at a steady pace). 

Last week I had an appointment in Pimlico that was finished by noon. I found myself with not much to do, and not overly excited to go home as I am currently suffering from major cabin fever. I decided to go to the only POI nearby, Tate Britain (there is also an art gallery very close by called Chelsea Space, but I came from the wrong way and it was raining, so I didn't bother). By the way, this is very quickly turning into a review of culture spots in London. 

I have been to Tate Britain a few times, and I cannot say I'm its biggest fan. Maybe because I'm not British, or I tend to like a bit more contemporary pieces, either way, not its biggest fan. And in the summer with all the tourists; I was in and out of there in ten minutes. I don't know how to say this without sounding super pretentious, but I think art can literally have the impact on you to bring you to another level, where you forget all about your day-to-day concerns. You know when you go to an amazing gig or show and you walk out of there all bouncy and finding your car in the parking space suddenly becomes very surreal? That's what I mean. Personally, with art work or visual art pieces they have to be excellent to get me that 'high' if you like, and I need piece and quiet to enjoy them. So, not a tourist trodden spot like Tate Britain in the summer. 

Quickly, can I just? Thanks. Tourists! I swear they leave their brains at home. Even the ones that don't dress like complete weirdos, they still just move slowly and just look baffled by everything, no honestly, their eyes just look a little dead, and they have no sense of their surroundings. Not a fan. 

Anyway, I got out of there very quickly and although I was not even close to being inspired or captivated by anything, at least I was inspired to go and find some good quality cultural things. So I kept walking along the North Bank all the way into Waterloo. There I went to the Hayward Gallery, one of the flagship galleries in London.  Tickets to go in were like 10 pounds and I didn't even know what was on, so I didn't bother. But I wasn't overly impressed with the feel and the branding of the gallery, and the shop was very dull in my opinion. It felt like they were trying to reach some unidentified 'quirky' audience of some sort as opposed to just having a strong sense of identity. 

Moving on, BFI (British Film Institute) is right next door. And I was so impressed! What a beautiful space. I've obviously heard of the BFI as such, but I never knew they were open to the public in the way that they are. They have three rooms for screenings you can just wonder into, with very luxurious seats. Their library is small and very specific to the film industry, but of very good quality. Without this becoming too lengthy, just trust me - it's very intriguing. I could literally spend an entire day in there. It doesn't hurt that it is on the South Bank, so you can enjoy your lunch by the river.   

By this point, I was definitely on the right track of finding places that challenged and engaged me. I decided to walk further into Waterloo, and there is a lot more to it than you might think. My favourite was this little bookshop (which I found out later is apparently all over the city) called Book Warehouse. The thought that literally kept coming up in my mind was 'oh cool, it's a little bit like the Internet, before the Internet'. They had all these cool pictures of just complete randomness, and some books teaching you how to do anything from knitting to some very questionable advice on men/women communication. Very internet-y.

Then I crossed the road and went to a gallery called Not The Royal Academy. I was kind of lucky I suppose, because I looked all proper in my outfit for my appointment so they must have thought I was a lot more posh than I am. Basically it was all the paintings that didn't make it to the prestigious Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy. They had so many paintings which you could buy on the spot and take home with you then and there, no red dots! Then they would just put new pieces up, and then every fortnight I believe, they rotate the entire space. It is literally tiny, but there is so much there. I believe I spent about 45 minutes in there. The pieces that really stood out to me were by Tina Morgan and Steven Outram. 

Next I decided to swing by at the Tate Modern, which was so thoroughly unpleasant as it was completely packed I left immediately. By this point it wasn't raining anymore, so there were people enjoying the beach (I know right, THE BEACH) by the Thames, and fully enjoying it. They were lying on towels, making sand sculptures, the whole thing! I really love walking along the river, and I love St Paul's and that entire area. St Paul's may be one of my favourite buildings in London and then Postman's Park is right around the corner, which I obviously had to visit. 

For anyone that hasn't been there, it is this tiniest little park by St Paul's. It has a wall to commemorate individuals that sacrificed their lives to save someone else's. If you can read through those without getting goosebumps, you have no soul. It is so touching it literally gives you shivers. Some are even children, it is just heartbreakingly beautiful.

Then I decided to go to Museum of London, which I have to say just raised the bar. They had three exhibitions all about (shockingly) London, but each covered different era. My favourite was the one for the last 150 years, but the other ones covered London in Roman and Prehistoric times. The one of our times was just so beautiful, and executed brilliantly. It included a timeline through the exhibition of iconic events, lots of artifacts from the different decades and incorporated projectors and interactive screens throughout. I had very limited time in there, because they were just closing, so I need to go again. One of my favourite rooms was from WWII, which was just a simple black room that projected all these images of the bombs and the ruins from the Luftwaffe and they even an actual bomb. It is so shocking how recently all these terrible things happened! 

Oh, and being on the subject on war memorials (there are so many!) the Battle of Britain one on the North Bank literally gave me chills. Like through and through chills. 

Anyway, I think that's enough - sorry if you people prefer my serious, more sociological posts, but I just wanted to share this lovely day I had with you.