I got so embarrassed when I checked my blog just now. Only two posts this year. Not even fun ones. Just uni ones. And the previous ones are super bitter ones. It is funny because, for anyone that actually knows me, I am always this super enthusiastic and happy person. Maybe this is a healthy expression of bitterness. I don't know. Besides, reading something super happy comes across either fake or like you are rubbing your general awesomeness in their face. So this is really for you, unhappy person, that wants to smirk over my less fortunate moments in life or agree with me on things that annoy me. Anyway, I figured now would be as good time as any to post, as I have about 10,000 words to write and I would like to procrastinate that as much as possible. Plus, I have got a couple of bitter things to write about. Yay.
Number one bitter thing to write about.
As this blog is in my name, my personal and professional reputation is on the line, I can not express bitter thing number one in the full detail it deserves. All I will say is that it has recently been brought to my attention that criminals operate in this city. Very bad criminals that steal things from you. Things like your money and your time and your privacy and your mental health.
Number two bitter thing to write about.
I have got a few assignments I have to hand in as a part of my university course. I know that is a part of my course and I am completely happy to do what ever is required. No problemo. However, it is absolutely, utterly and completely beyond my understanding why on earth I am required to hand in my coursework in print. Why? I am not sure they are aware, but out there in the big world, something happened. Something big. Something that revolutionised the every day life of not just you and me, but everyone you know and basically everyone that lives on this planet (excluding, bless 'em, the little ones that can't get food and water and stuff. I am not trying to offend them. I pay monthly to Unicef so I can tell myself I am doing my bit.). It is called the Internet. It is pretty good. You can get jobs, houses and even the love of your life there. You can also play music, talk to your mum, stalk your ex, illegally download movies, learn how to braid your hair and even watch sex (they have a word for that now, it is called porn). Great fun.
Reasons why I do not like handing coursework in, in print:
1) Getting there.
As anyone who has ever even stepped inside London, even for just a moment, can confirm 'dropping by' is not possible. No señor. No such thing. Anywhere you go takes a minimum, an absolute minimum, of half an hour. Each way. That's good. If you are not from London, trust me, that is really good. We even brag about it. 'I live so close, it only takes half an hour to get there'. Therefore, dropping off your coursework will take at least one hour. If you are the lucky one that lives close by. And if you run there and throw the paper at the reception guy and your bus comes straight away. Odds are though it will take more like two hours. Two hours. To give someone a piece of paper.
In my days I have sent a lot of emails. It is magical. You can send as many (virtual) pieces of paper as you wish, to anywhere in the world, in seconds. I do not lie sir, seconds I tell you. Well, anywhere in the world apart from my university
2) Construction
I have to hand in my coursework in a building that is currently under construction. The main entrance is closed. To get in, and I am not lying, you have to walk for about three minutes outside to an entrance on a completely different building. You enter and have to find your way through about seven buildings, up and down stairs, through narrow hallways, in the dark, cross rivers - hoping Jesus will be your Shepherd and guide you the right way (I will go to hell for this). Okay. There are lights and signs, but in all seriousness it probably takes about 20 minutes to walk in and out of the building.
Bare in mind this is on top of the 2 hours we already discussed.
3) Printing
I do not have a printer so I have to spend even more time on this. I have to find an available uni computer. Log in on the stupid uni PCs that can't even read my Mac produced coursework so I have to pdf it first. So if I notice a typo or mistake, I just have to enjoy handing in a flawed essay, as I can't change it anyway. There goes my first. Plus logging in takes for ever. Oh, and I have to pay for it.
Another half an hour. This handing in a piece of paper thing is turning into an afternoon of butterflies and unicorns dancing in the sunshine with rainbows and a choir of angels. A whole afternoon.
4) Guys
I swear, everytime I have to hand in coursework, never when I am just attending lectures or in general around campus, only when I hand in coursework this most random dude tries to chat me up (not the same one fortunately. That would be a stalker. I don't have a stalker. Anymore.). I would not mind if it was a random dude that was super attractive and charming. No. Not it. A random dude in a weird way that finds an opening in the fact that I have an essay in my hand and am clearly on the way to hand it in. 'Hallo', 'oh, are you handing in stuff?', 'oh, so you go here?', 'what course do you do?', 'where is the faculty office?'. Guess what braniac, there are about 25,000 students at this campus and it is coming up to May. There is a lot of coursework-handing-in to do, by a lot of people, that probably go here. Hence the piece of coursework in my hand. On campus. On the way to the faculty office.
To be honest I used to admire their courage but now they just really annoy me as it puts me in this most awkward position. You don't want to just give out your number to some random guys (for the sake of shutting them up, trust me, works like a charm, every single time. Downside, they call you right away of the goodness of their heart 'as now you've got my number as well') but it is so uncomfortable blowing them off and it makes me feel bad (I do have a soul). I think I've just secured that any guy, that ever reads this, will not ask me out. Ever. Oh, well. There are always the illeterate ones.
*****FIXED****** Having said that, I wish the guy that came up to me just now (I'm at the library, 'studying') with the high school style 'my friend wants to know if you are single?' had read this. Is it too much to ask, for guys just to have some game? Or, since you asked, some looks.
Alright. Come back blog post. I have managed to ensure no one will ever ask me out, insulted the less fortunate, used 'mum' and 'porn' in the same sentence as well as guaranteed I will never see the great heavens I hear are so lovely. Someone better enjoy this.
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